Tuesday, April 17, 2012

I dedicate everything to my mom

This morning as I was laying out my pattern pieces and the fabric pieces I cut from them,  I recieved a call from Manitoba that my mom had suffered a massive heart attack around 8:15 am.   She never made it to the hospital.  

My parents had a sudden divorce several years ago after being together around 31 years, in the end it didn't work out and my mom left to live out on the prairies again.  I was always very close to my mom but this situation seemingly evaporated our active closeness to the point where months would go by,  even a year and she never called.   I had to find her number through a bit of investigation.   The guy she was living with couldn't even keep the phone lines open.

She never even got the chance to see her little grand daughter,  my daughter Salma and her grandson all grown up into a big almost 5 year old boy.   Before she let me know that she was leaving my father,  I had a dream that I had lost her,  she was beside me one minute and was gone the next after telling me she'd meet up with me outside the building to go home.  When I looked for her she wasn't there...in the dream I had the unmistakable feeling that I'd just completely lost her.

And here I was, this morning,  looking over the work I'd started,  after this terrible phone call.   I wouldn't have been into this work,  atleast it wouldn't have been as ingrained in me if it hadn't been for my mom.   She'd take me to the fabric and pattern department in Woodwards department store downtown back in the 80s and we'd be there for hours looking through pattern books and searching for just the right fabric.

She would get a pattern, cut it out,  lay it out on the living room floor and I'd watch her put everything together into a beautiful garment.   I was always facinated by this and wanted to learn the secrets of why the pattern pieces where shaped the way they were.   She'd sew them on her shiny black and gold enameled Singer sewing machine.   As she turned the wheel,  it would sound like a tiny train.   She put me on the path I'm on today.  

She always talked about making the world a better place,  helping both people and animals in whatever way was needed and protecting the environment out of the sincere love for everything that God created.   She talked about these things as long as I can remember.   I loved that about my mom.   I loved that about my mom.  I always wanted to be like her,  but go a step up and be able to make her dreams a reality.   To make an impact,  a growing one, throughout my life so that I leave the world as a better place than when I came into it.  So the world's children and other innocent creatures will be able to face a safer,  brighter future than the one I thought I was facing.

Everything I do in my life,  every success and difference that I am able to make,  I dedicate to my mom.   The beautiful spirit that nourished and cared for the best in me.  I'm setting out to fulfill your dreams mom and try to raise my children to be the way you wanted me to be.  I love you with all my heart.   And I'm sorry for the misunderstanding between us that happened after you left.  


Please feel free to leave a comment, I'd love to hear from you :)